


Five Things That Might Happen At The 2103 Tour de France

by primeideal



Category: Civilization (Video Games), Cycling RPF, Ender Series - Orson Scott Card, Zero Wing
Genre: 5 Things, Crack, Drabble Sequence, Gen, Multiple Crossovers, Tour de France 2103, Was a typoed tag that deserves to be used correctly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-03
Updated: 2013-10-03
Packaged: 2017-12-28 08:16:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/989798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primeideal/pseuds/primeideal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe most of the excitement's in space these days, but on Earth, some traditions go on much the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things That Might Happen At The 2103 Tour de France

**Author's Note:**

> As the tags say, this was a typo crying out for fic. My thanks go out to all my buddies on another roleplaying site who taught me things about cycling...even if I didn't always pay attention.

1.

“I'm just so humbled to be here,” blushed Hilaire, fighting back tears. “At my age, you know—to think of this event's rich history, that I could ever win the race like this—I never thought it was possible.”

“What about your domestiques?” asked a reporter. Tough as ever.

“I wish they were here to celebrate with me, but I've spoken to some of them, and I know they're proud. No further questions, thanks.”

It had been an arms race of drugs and anti-doping technology, leading to many retroactive disqualifications. This is why Hilaire didn't win the thing until the year 2135.

2.

It was a boost to the national pride to have a local winner, and not only that, but one who only gave his interviews to the Francophone reporters. The others, from around the world, had to busy themselves with covering politics, protestors, purist fans who didn't approve of the kissing in the laughing group. And then, of course, there was the news from the rest of the solar system to worry about.

“Bugger,” summarized an elderly British blogger.

His American counterpart laughed. “Now who's being provincial in their language?”

“Oh, _Formic_ then. But it's a failure of a curse word.”

3.

The outskirts of Paris were all built up, race routes from the previous century well-paved, even if most of the traffic was on high-speed railroads those days. In fact, the outskirts of every city in France had benefited from the proletariat's labor over the century, producing a thick mesh of roads unlike that any other nation could boast.

The end of history, and/or civilization, had come and gone three years prior. It was hard not to be jealous of one's comrades on the colony ship to Alpha Centauri. But the fans adoring their heroes rush by didn't seem to care.

4.

In A. D. 2103

Cycling was continuing.

Directeur sportif: “What result?”

Domestique: “Somebody fail us the doping test!”

Leader: “We get disqualify.”

Directeur sportif: “No?”

Leader: “Main peloton finish now.”

Directeur sportif: “No way!”

Race director: “You group together, gentlemen?”

Race director: “All your bike are belong to grupetto!”

Race director: “You on way to elimination time!”

Directeur sportif: “How this be?”

Race director: “You have no chance to compete, finish time trial.”

Race director: “Ha!”

Leader: “Directeur?”

Directeur sportif: “Take off every bike.”

Directeur sportif: “You know when you send?”

Directeur sportif: “Win tour!”

Directeur sportif: “For new espoir.”

5.

Red skies filled the capital at sunset; through the industrial smog, the light glared in the eyes of the remaining peloton as they made their way forward. A team support car flew above the racers, but they pressed onwards, healthy enough to finish the race. Through the broad streets, they continued forward, and even the colorful jersey of the so-called leader was obscured by the evening light.

They crossed the finish line in one huge pack, and the race official sighed. “Tied. Again. Wonderful.”

“What did you expect?” said Comrade Pierre. “At least we won't waste any prizes this way.”


End file.
